My Experience at Mahiki London

So, in celebration of my best friend’s 21st Birthday recently, myself, the birthday girl and a couple of other lovely ladies headed up to London in late December. The birthday girl had chosen to go to Mahiki London, and had got us on a guest list which got us free entry and access to a table with free drinks. We were ready to get white girl wasted.

First up, I just want to say that the whole experience was completely and utterly bizarre. There are no words better to describe it than just completely and utterly bizarre.

Mahiki Mayfair London Jodetopia

Photo from as I obvs completely forgot to take some

The night started with typical girly chats and a rush to get my makeup done. Oh, and prosecco, obvs. We then all shuffled into the front room to have a little photoshoot session. Typical girls.

We then bundled into the back of the birthday girl’s boyfriend’s car and proceeded to drink another bottle of prosecco in the 45 minute car journey (or was it champagne? Dunno. But I drank it). We even stopped by my good friend Lizzy’s house, where I was determined to get a #queenselfie. (Yeah, that’s Buckingham Palace in the far distant background in the picture below).

Buckingham Palace Jodetopia Queen Selfie

When we arrived, we bundled out of the car and into the queue, before realising we were right next to The Ritz, which was covered in pretty fairy lights. We then subtly took some pretty touristy photos whilst whispering ‘omg the RITZ’  all whilst pretending NOT to be the Kentish countryside girls we truly are. We were standing next to some Made In Chelsea girls, so we had to be oh so posh (I dunno but they sounded like they were made there).

The Ritz Mayfair Jodetopia London

We were let straight in, made our way down a long flight of stairs, and headed straight to the cloakroom to get rid of our leather jackets (I actually remember thinking ‘F*** these stairs are gonna be hard to get up on the way out). My first shock of the evening came when I asked if the cloakroom took card payments (LOL @ me) and they said it was complimentary. SWEET. No £2 jacket charge. I thought this place was fab. Totally not the dirty Dartford I’m used to.

We then got a drink at the bar which cost me practically a day’s wage whilst the birthday girl tried to message her guestlist friend. We were told their table was ‘in a corner’ and off we set on our adventure to find our free drinks. We found some free drinks in the form of a MASSIVE TREASURE CHEST. It wasn’t until an hour later that we realised it wasn’t even our table but it was cool, no one sussed us.

Drink Mahiki London Review Jodetopia Drink Mahiki London Review Jodetopia Drink Mahiki London Review Jodetopia Drink Mahiki London Review Jodetopia

My second shock of the evening came when a girl just leaned over and picked up our big sharer drink (the rose, smoking one above that we’d actually paid for, not the free one). The Dartford lass in me came out and obviously we confronted her, but she said she ‘just wanted to take a picture with it’….. What? She then continued to pose with OUR drink whilst her friends took photos of her?! WTF?! I’d love to know what her Facebook caption of that photo is.

By the time we’d found our ACTUAL guestlist table, it was crammed full of girls and we just couldn’t be bothered, so we found a nice spot by the bar, and a nice barman (called Carlo) and partied away. It was at this point that I really begun to take in the venue – the tiki theme, the amazing cocktails, the roses, the cocktail umbrellas, the decor… it was all lovely. But when you look around at the people there… not so lovely. The place was packed full of girls, the majority of which wearing far too much makeup and far too clingy a dress. I also noticed the amount of young, pretty girls chatting up much older men – the place was a gold digger’s heaven. It was at this point that our night began to go sour.

One of the girls in my group was rather merry (we all were, to be fair) and a woman from security suddenly grabbed her hand, and told her to get some fresh air outside. It came COMPLETELY out of the blue. We had been standing/dancing in the corner of the bar the whole time, talking to the barman (and even posing for pictures with the waiters and security!) so I have absolutely no idea why she suddenly turned on us. Yeah, don’t get me wrong, my friend was a little drunk and maybe a tad wobbly on her feet, but she wasn’t doing any harm? She could stand and she could walk (she made it up all them goddam stairs for goodness sake – she can’t have been that bad). We were a small group of girls having some fun. We weren’t in anyones way or causing any danger to ourselves or others.

Anyway, this blond lady (who I think we worked out was head security) dragged us all outside, and told us to ‘stay out here for 10 minutes and it’s security’s decision if you can come back in’… she also told our other friends to go and get our coats, so we were pretty understanding that this was her kicking us out.

Now, I’m all for a safe bar/clubbing experience. I understand if people are obviously drunk to maybe stop serving them for their own safety. I also understand if you are doing something illegal (i.e. taking drugs), causing harm to others, or ruining a club’s vibes (i.e. projectile vomiting on the dancefloor) then that could get you a one way ticket out of the club. However, the only time I’ve ever seen someone actually get kicked out a club before is for starting a fight – i.e. being a danger to themselves and others. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I cannot express enough how disappointed I am. I myself spent over £100 that night – as a group we must have spent around £3-400. Why kick us out? We were dancing, giggling, chatting and drinking – what is so wrong with that?

The birthday girl called her boyfriend to come and pick us up, yet we had to stand outside in the smoking area in the freezing cold whilst we waited for 45 minutes. To top the night off, the security lady was continuously checking on us, constantly asking if we’d called a cab. She even tried to get us to walk over and stand on the opposite side of the road?! This SHOCKED me. We were simply standing there, huddled and chatting in a small circle, and she wanted us to walk across the road and stand where various homeless men were begging for money? Doesn’t sound like Mahiki is too fussed about keeping their customers safe, to be honest.

In the end, she got the barman that was serving/chatting to us to stand with us to ‘make sure we got home ok’. We really didn’t need a babysitter… it was ridiculous. Although, it was nice to have someone to bat away the homeless men for us. It kind of did feel like maybe he was getting punished, too, for the free drinks he may or may not have given us at the bar.

Overall, I had a great night to remember due to the good company and celebrations. However, I will not be returning to Mahiki again and I cannot express my disappointment enough in what we experienced.

Did they realise they had let too many girls in, so decided to get rid of some by kicking them out? Are four young women not valued customers? Are they more caring of the rich men that were splashing thousand’s on the begging gold diggers? It’s left me with many questions, of which I know I will never receive answers for. It feels like for some ludicrous reason we had been discriminated against, or bullied out of the club.

I’m interested to know if any other young women have experienced anything like this in London clubs and bars – please let me know in the comments below.

Jodie x


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